A RESOLUTION FOR 2012

We worry about the kids our young people are hanging out with because we know how easily they can be swayed by their peers.

What we don't realize is how easily we, too, can be influenced by our social group to conform.

We can use the power of positive peer pressure to achieve our goals effortlessly this coming year.

Yes, it's January — time to get psyched up to set some new goals.

Do I hear some groaning out there? If so, it no longer surprises me.

After spending many days of goal-setting myself, I have a greater appreciation for some people's pain, suffering, and sheer boredom around goal-setting. Many people don't know what they want. They don't have an exciting vision. The whole process is stressful and can turn some cheerful, spirited folks into grumps or narcoleptics.

If you are one of the many who has problems with goal-setting, not to mention goal achievement, positive peer pressure is especially for you. Some highly respected researchers believe it's even more effective than our usual goal-setting techniques specifically because it is largely unconscious.

To understand how and why positive peer pressure can work for you, start by remembering the famous conformity experiments in social psychology conducted by Dr. Solomon Asch in the 1950s. At the time his research shocked nearly everyone including Dr. Asch himself.

As you may recall 75 percent of the participants in Asch's experiments agreed at least once with group members who were clearly wrong about something everyone could see with their own eyes (such as the length of two lines).

Human beings, it seems, are highly vulnerable to the opinions and behaviors of others.

Other recent social scientists have theorized about why this happens. The answer is pretty simple. We've probably all seen it and succumbed to it.

People of both genders and all ages actively seek acceptance of and avoid rejection by their social group. Dr. Wendy Treynor outlines this dynamic in her book, Towards a General Theory of Social Psychology: Understanding Human Cruelty, Human Misery, and, Perhaps, a Remedy: A Theory of the Socialization Process.

Dr. Treynor says that we naturally and mostly unconsciously adjust ourselves internally and externally to be like others. We slip into a new identity consistent with our social group.

This is exactly the force we can use to our advantage with the positive peer pressure method of goal achievement.

The basic idea is that if you want to significantly, successfully, and easily change who you are, then change the group you're hanging around with.

Look around for a group that you respect. It could be a church group, a service club, or special interest group. Most of these groups are easy to get into. Tell yourself, "I'm going to allow these esteemed people to rub off on me."

Dr. Ken Dychtwald, a noted authority on living the good life, started volunteering with Habitat for Humanity some years ago. He speaks of the "good people" he met who were "frankly a better lot" than he was previously associated with.

Dychtwald credits his positive peer interactions with helping him become a much better version of himself. Dychtwald suggests that we, too, experiment with hanging out with better people to change ourselves.

Here are some specific suggestions. Find what seems to be a good role-model group. Check them out by spending time with them. See if they are thinking and behaving in ways you regard highly.

If they are not who you want to be, perhaps you've gained valuable clarity on your values and aspirations. Find a new group.

If you do admire what you see and hear, allow the power of positive peer pressure to naturally push you toward becoming the person you want to be.

How might you move up to The Good Life by hanging out with better people?